1
00:00:42,800 --> 00:00:44,313
Urgh.

2
00:00:48,520 --> 00:00:50,158
(Chuckles)

3
00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:53,957
(Chuckles)

4
00:01:02,640 --> 00:01:04,995
“Mozart and Mendelssohn
were dead by 40.

5
00:01:05,040 --> 00:01:06,872
"Why aren't you?"

6
00:01:08,520 --> 00:01:10,591
How thoughtful.

7
00:01:16,320 --> 00:01:17,515
You bitch!

8
00:01:17,560 --> 00:01:19,471
- Did you call?
- Look...

9
00:01:19,520 --> 00:01:23,718
when I get a birthday card from my Wife, I
expect a sentimental, loving, sickly verse,

10
00:01:23,760 --> 00:01:26,991
not, "Another nail in
your coffin, you old wreck."

11
00:01:27,040 --> 00:01:28,917
Blow your candle
out and eat your cake.

12
00:01:29,960 --> 00:01:31,837
It's half-past eight
in the morning!

13
00:01:31,880 --> 00:01:33,200
Still...

14
00:01:43,080 --> 00:01:45,037
Yes. Well,
it is half-past eight, isn't it?

15
00:01:46,400 --> 00:01:48,232
Hello, hello, hello!

16
00:01:48,280 --> 00:01:50,510
What have you got
there? Come on, you!

17
00:01:50,560 --> 00:01:52,676
Hand over my present.
Come on. Give it to me!

18
00:01:52,720 --> 00:01:55,712
Agh! All right. I'll give it,
I'll give it.

19
00:01:56,760 --> 00:01:58,717
What have we here? It's a book.

20
00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:00,999
You got it!

21
00:02:01,040 --> 00:02:03,509
- There's more. Listen.
- Not Vaughan Williams.

22
00:02:03,560 --> 00:02:05,597
- Sophie Tucker.
- Sophie...

23
00:02:05,640 --> 00:02:09,031
I ..that life begins at 40

24
00:02:09,840 --> 00:02:13,834
<i>J“ That's when love and living
start to become a gentle art</i>

25
00:02:13,880 --> 00:02:15,917
Funny old age, isn't it, 40?

26
00:02:15,960 --> 00:02:18,839
- She was 78 when she made that.
- Not Sophie Tucker, me.

27
00:02:18,880 --> 00:02:21,110
It's one of those
milestone ages, isn't it?

28
00:02:21,160 --> 00:02:23,595
- Life begins at 40.
- That's a fallacy, for a start

29
00:02:23,640 --> 00:02:26,553
Did you know that after the
age of 40, the body runs down?

30
00:02:26,600 --> 00:02:31,071
Something like two million cells die per
day and they're not replaced, not ever.

31
00:02:31,120 --> 00:02:33,396
What pan of the body do
these cells disappear from?

32
00:02:33,440 --> 00:02:34,839
All over.

33
00:02:34,880 --> 00:02:36,473
Eurgh!

34
00:02:36,520 --> 00:02:39,592
I don't feel old. I don't feel any
older than yesterday when I was 39.

35
00:02:39,640 --> 00:02:42,951
- It's just that I'm doing a review.
- Can I be in it?

36
00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:45,196
I-E-W. Son of stocktaking.

37
00:02:45,240 --> 00:02:48,710
I'm not getting bitter and twisted. I'm
not saying, “I've had a rotten life.“

38
00:02:48,760 --> 00:02:53,596
Do you realise that Rachmaninov composed
his first piano concerto at the age of 19?

39
00:02:53,640 --> 00:02:55,358
♪ Pom, pOm-Da-Pom

40
00:02:55,400 --> 00:02:57,038
♪ Pom-pa-pom... - That's Grieg.

41
00:02:57,080 --> 00:02:59,879
Is it'? Well, never mind. Grieg.
It's just a feeling I've got.

42
00:02:59,920 --> 00:03:01,911
- Is it me'?
- See that'?

43
00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:05,520
- Job, then.
- Ah, not especially. A job is a job is a job.

44
00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:08,598
It wouldn't make it any better if
I was designing something useful.

45
00:03:08,640 --> 00:03:11,519
I'd still be a grotty, little
cog in a whacking great machine.

46
00:03:11,560 --> 00:03:14,029
No,
it's... I don't know. It's...

47
00:03:14,080 --> 00:03:18,233
It's quality of life. That's what I'm
after. lfl could just get it right.

48
00:03:18,280 --> 00:03:19,998
What's "it"?

49
00:03:20,040 --> 00:03:21,792
"It"?

50
00:03:21,840 --> 00:03:23,831
Well, "it" is...

51
00:03:25,640 --> 00:03:27,551
“it!

52
00:03:27,600 --> 00:03:31,992
If I see it lying about I shall say, "Now,
look here, it, my husband's had enough of you."

53
00:03:32,040 --> 00:03:34,236
- I'm not being very specific, am I'?
- Borderline.

54
00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:37,079
Don't worry. I'm not going broody.
I'm not doing an "if only".

55
00:03:37,120 --> 00:03:39,953
No, I'll tackle it and get it
right, as soon as I know what it is.

56
00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:41,957
- (Car horn toots)
- There's Jerry.

57
00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:43,638
Here we go again.

58
00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:45,156
Ta.

59
00:03:46,200 --> 00:03:47,793
(Groans)

60
00:03:47,840 --> 00:03:50,514
Commute! Commute!
Commute! Commute!

61
00:03:54,680 --> 00:03:57,069
- (As Daleks) Goodbye, darling.
- Goodbye, darling.

62
00:03:57,120 --> 00:03:59,270
- Have a nice day.
- Have a nice day.

63
00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:01,516
- Keep your bowels open.
- Keep your bowels open.

64
00:04:01,560 --> 00:04:02,709
- Kiss.
- Kiss.

65
00:04:02,760 --> 00:04:04,194
BOTH: Zzz!

66
00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:14,238
- Morning.
- I see the pills aren't having any effect.

67
00:04:14,280 --> 00:04:16,920
- Car going yet?
- No.

68
00:04:16,960 --> 00:04:18,678
Get in.

69
00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:24,551
You look like an advert
for Gracious Living.

70
00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:26,159
I am.

71
00:04:27,120 --> 00:04:31,159
Tom Good riposted with his first
bon mot of the day. Shut your gob.

72
00:04:49,640 --> 00:04:51,358
Morning, Mr Leadbetter.

73
00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:53,277
Morning, Charles.

74
00:04:54,320 --> 00:04:56,357
Morning, Mr er...

75
00:04:57,760 --> 00:05:01,037
I've really made an impact with
you over the years, haven't I?

76
00:05:01,080 --> 00:05:03,720
Well... I've got sciatica.

77
00:05:03,760 --> 00:05:06,320
- Good.
- Charming.

78
00:05:06,360 --> 00:05:10,672
No, no, no. That's my name. Cor blimey,
I've only been here eight years.

79
00:05:17,200 --> 00:05:18,918
Morning,
morning! Lovely morning!

80
00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:23,189
- Good morning! ALL:
(Half-heanedly) Good morning.

81
00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:30,952
(Groans)

82
00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:57,558
(Laughs evilly)

83
00:05:57,600 --> 00:05:59,273
Here,
Phil. Phil! Come on! Come on!

84
00:05:59,320 --> 00:06:01,834
To you. Come on! Hey, come on!

85
00:06:02,600 --> 00:06:04,193
(Laughs) Come on, come on.

86
00:06:22,440 --> 00:06:23,555
Phew!

87
00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:27,389
- Are you phewing at this, Brian?
- I am, Mr Good. It really is something, isn't it?

88
00:06:27,440 --> 00:06:29,351
Yes, it is.

89
00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:33,837
It's a mould for a plastic hippopotamus that's
going to end up in a packet of breakfast cereal.

90
00:06:35,360 --> 00:06:37,715
You gotta hand it to the
ideas men on the fifth floor.

91
00:06:37,760 --> 00:06:40,752
Electric shock treatment,
preferably. Ideas men?

92
00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:43,269
They sit up there like the
gargoyles on top of Notre Dame.

93
00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:45,880
Every now and again, one puts
on his jester's cap and says,

94
00:06:45,920 --> 00:06:48,036
“Eureka! Hippopotamus!"

95
00:06:49,080 --> 00:06:52,152
I'm sorry, Mr Good. I didn't mean
to take any credit away from you.

96
00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:54,635
Everybody knows it's you
Who brings their ideas to life.

97
00:06:54,680 --> 00:06:56,796
That is guilt by association.

98
00:06:56,840 --> 00:06:59,434
Oh, come, you wouldn't want
us to go back to the Dark Ages.

99
00:06:59,480 --> 00:07:01,994
Breakfast cereals
Without little plastic gifts?

100
00:07:02,040 --> 00:07:03,678
It would still taste the same.

101
00:07:03,720 --> 00:07:05,791
That's hardly the point, surely?

102
00:07:05,840 --> 00:07:08,559
I'm talking about
aesthetic values.

103
00:07:08,600 --> 00:07:10,511
Your hippopotamus, for example.

104
00:07:10,560 --> 00:07:12,153
My...'.7

105
00:07:13,360 --> 00:07:15,351
Sit down, Brian.

106
00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:18,472
Now, look, Why don't
you try to get out more?

107
00:07:18,520 --> 00:07:20,238
- Pardon?
- Well...

108
00:07:20,280 --> 00:07:22,351
Lusting after women,
playing sport.

109
00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:24,471
I played cricket on Sunday.

110
00:07:24,520 --> 00:07:27,239
Fine! Great! Let's talk about
cricket for a couple of hours.

111
00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:28,998
(Phone rings)

112
00:07:29,040 --> 00:07:30,917
Hello. Yes, Jerry.

113
00:07:32,200 --> 00:07:34,111
- I'll be up. Sixth floor.
- Get a move on.

114
00:07:34,160 --> 00:07:35,912
- Cricket!
- But that...

115
00:07:35,960 --> 00:07:38,474
- Cricket. Who did you play for?
- Well, just the office.

116
00:07:38,520 --> 00:07:40,431
Office, fine. That's
all I wanted to know.

117
00:07:46,360 --> 00:07:49,079
- Which office?
- Well, this office here.

118
00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:50,838
We played Accounts.

119
00:07:53,960 --> 00:07:55,598
I'm in this office.

120
00:07:55,640 --> 00:07:59,952
- Nobody asked me.
- We didn't need to. We got my dad to umpire.

121
00:08:02,560 --> 00:08:05,234
I'm not talking about umpiring.
I would have liked to play.

122
00:08:05,280 --> 00:08:07,874
- Play? You?
- Well, Why not me?

123
00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:11,629
Well, you're... We didn't think
you'd still feel up to it at er...

124
00:08:11,680 --> 00:08:14,638
- At my age, do you mean?
- Yes.

125
00:08:14,680 --> 00:08:16,512
I might tell you

126
00:08:16,560 --> 00:08:21,191
that Jack Hobbs scored more than half of his
first-class centuries when he was past 40.

127
00:08:21,240 --> 00:08:23,595
Who's Jack Hobbs?

128
00:08:24,640 --> 00:08:27,234
You bloody little swine!

129
00:08:27,280 --> 00:08:30,910
Listen,
you lot! I am a run machine!

130
00:08:30,960 --> 00:08:32,633
A run machine!

131
00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:35,718
And I bowl!

132
00:08:47,240 --> 00:08:48,833
Come in!

133
00:08:49,880 --> 00:08:51,917
Oh, Tom. Good of you to pop up.

134
00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:56,352
I just wondered if you could let me have
a mock-up of your hippo for... Friday'.7

135
00:08:56,400 --> 00:08:59,199
- I can manage it by Thursday, actually.
- Better and better.

136
00:08:59,240 --> 00:09:00,753
Listen...

137
00:09:00,800 --> 00:09:02,711
You've seen me play cricket,
haven't you?

138
00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:06,559
- Erm...
- Well, up at Flitwick, don't you remember?

139
00:09:06,600 --> 00:09:08,750
- It was ten years ago.
- But I played, though.

140
00:09:08,800 --> 00:09:11,155
If I'm not very much mistaken,
I made a few that day.

141
00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:12,349
One.

142
00:09:13,600 --> 00:09:16,638
Yes, yes. I got amongst
the Wickets, though, didn't I?

143
00:09:16,680 --> 00:09:20,150
No, you didn't bowl. You strained
your back, getting your run.

144
00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:22,237
I played, though, didn't I?

145
00:09:23,320 --> 00:09:24,958
Yes.

146
00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:28,152
Would you mind explaining to my
office that I still play cricket?

147
00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:31,636
- Do you?
- Well, no, but I could if I was asked.

148
00:09:31,680 --> 00:09:34,320
Still got the middle-aged blues,
have you?

149
00:09:34,360 --> 00:09:37,751
Why are they all so young? Why should
I be lumbered with running a créche?

150
00:09:37,800 --> 00:09:39,950
- Do you really want to know?
- Yes.

151
00:09:41,040 --> 00:09:42,713
All right.

152
00:09:44,680 --> 00:09:47,354
Well, I want gas if
I'm gonna have fillings.

153
00:09:48,360 --> 00:09:52,718
We joined this company - What,
eight years ago, wasn't it?

154
00:09:53,720 --> 00:09:57,873
And do you know something?
I was frightened of you then.

155
00:09:57,920 --> 00:09:59,877
No, don't mess about.

156
00:09:59,920 --> 00:10:01,672
I'll tell you Why.

157
00:10:01,720 --> 00:10:06,237
You were a better draughtsman than I was
and you had better qualifications than mine.

158
00:10:06,280 --> 00:10:09,875
I was going to have to rely on pure
cunning just to keep up with you.

159
00:10:10,880 --> 00:10:13,349
Still, I needn't have bothered,
need I? Cos look at us.

160
00:10:13,400 --> 00:10:16,791
I'm up here and
you're down there...

161
00:10:16,840 --> 00:10:19,514
not getting picked
for cricket teams.

162
00:10:19,560 --> 00:10:23,349
- Why?
- Because you use one tenth of your ability.

163
00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:28,839
I have to use all mine and What I lack
I make up with sheer, bloody crawling.

164
00:10:28,880 --> 00:10:30,757
Oh, come on, Jerry, look.

165
00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:35,636
I cannot see the world as a giant plastic toy.
How can you seriously make it your life's work?

166
00:10:35,680 --> 00:10:37,591
It isn't. It just brings
in the goodies.

167
00:10:37,640 --> 00:10:39,313
I see, I see. All right,
all right.

168
00:10:39,360 --> 00:10:42,273
So if I unleash all this dynamite
I'm carrying around with me,

169
00:10:42,320 --> 00:10:44,675
- I'd be up on the old sixth floor, too, would I?
- Yes.

170
00:10:44,720 --> 00:10:49,157
You might just as well because you're not going
to walk into another job at your age, are you?

171
00:10:51,160 --> 00:10:54,437
- I'll hit you with my crutch in a minute.
- No, seriously, are you?

172
00:10:54,480 --> 00:10:58,314
Listen, Birchinall at Glover's made me a
very attractive offer only just recently.

173
00:10:58,360 --> 00:11:01,034
Not all that recently. He's
been dead for four years.

174
00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:03,638
- Has he?
- You see?

175
00:11:03,680 --> 00:11:07,469
Your business mind is just like plastic
before it goes into one of our moulds.

176
00:11:07,520 --> 00:11:10,239
Formless. You just drift along.

177
00:11:10,280 --> 00:11:12,396
“Isn't it all funny?
Isn't it all ridiculous?"

178
00:11:12,440 --> 00:11:15,512
Yes, you do. “Grown men
getting ulcers over toy hippos."

179
00:11:15,560 --> 00:11:19,758
- Well, it is funny, isn't it?
- Yes, of course it's funny, but not out loud.

180
00:11:20,800 --> 00:11:23,679
- Miss Button, it is funny, but not out loud.
- Suit yourself.

181
00:11:23,720 --> 00:11:28,271
Only, I'm warning you, Tom, unless you
start to take this job seriously...

182
00:11:29,320 --> 00:11:32,119
Damn it all,
you're not Peter Pan.

183
00:11:32,160 --> 00:11:34,356
Can you spare a minute, Jerry?

184
00:11:34,400 --> 00:11:36,038
Yes, of course, sir.

185
00:11:36,080 --> 00:11:38,310
I want to talk about our
Wildlife preservation line.

186
00:11:38,360 --> 00:11:40,078
- Well, I'll...
- No, don't go, Tom.

187
00:11:40,120 --> 00:11:43,033
I think perhaps Tom ought
to sit in on this one, sir.

188
00:11:43,080 --> 00:11:44,275
Why?

189
00:11:45,960 --> 00:11:48,270
- Where's he from?
- Fourth floor.

190
00:11:48,320 --> 00:11:52,075
Oh, yes. Yes, I'm afraid I don't get down
to the fourth floor as often as I'd like.

191
00:11:52,120 --> 00:11:56,193
In fact, Tom is our top draughtsman, sir.
He's working on the toy hippo at the moment.

192
00:11:56,240 --> 00:11:59,358
Oh,
really? Oh! How's it er...'.7

193
00:11:59,400 --> 00:12:01,073
- Going?
- Coming.

194
00:12:01,120 --> 00:12:03,555
As you know, the problem
with these advance designs

195
00:12:03,600 --> 00:12:05,876
- is surface area to weight ratio.
- Yes, quite.

196
00:12:05,920 --> 00:12:09,754
In the case of the hippopotamus, I've stylised
the head somewhat to obviate overhang.

197
00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:11,996
- Have you?
- So that at the mock-up stage...

198
00:12:12,040 --> 00:12:14,395
Which I've laid on for Thursday,
incidentally, sir.

199
00:12:14,440 --> 00:12:16,078
Yes, Thursday.

200
00:12:16,120 --> 00:12:22,230
I'm working on a principal of a 3 by 1.5 base,
with a maximum height at the rump of 1 cm.

201
00:12:22,280 --> 00:12:24,112
This gives us a box
mass of 5 grams,

202
00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:27,516
which is in line with the cereal
manufacturer's packet specifications.

203
00:12:28,960 --> 00:12:32,476
You know, there's a much better
view from the fifth floor...

204
00:12:33,440 --> 00:12:34,919
...Tom.

205
00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:38,316
I'd like you to sit in on
this one. Now, look here...

206
00:12:38,360 --> 00:12:41,557
a bubble has just come
off the top of the think tank

207
00:12:41,600 --> 00:12:46,436
and I don't mind telling you that this
is an absolute blockbuster of an idea.

208
00:12:46,480 --> 00:12:51,600
It's going to put our Wildlife preservation
series in the vanguard of world...

209
00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:55,429
and I do mean world... mouldings.

210
00:12:55,480 --> 00:12:57,198
- (Snorts)
- Can you guess what it is?

211
00:12:57,240 --> 00:12:59,072
No, you can't, can you?

212
00:13:00,360 --> 00:13:03,512
Our next mould is going to be...

213
00:13:03,560 --> 00:13:05,198
a giraffe!

214
00:13:05,240 --> 00:13:07,390
- Are you all right?
- Mm.

215
00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:11,957
And, Tom, I'm thinking
of putting this giraffe...

216
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:13,957
on your plate.

217
00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:15,991
(Shorts)

218
00:13:18,160 --> 00:13:20,071
(Laughs)

219
00:13:25,720 --> 00:13:27,711
I Classical

220
00:14:00,720 --> 00:14:02,472
(Giggles)

221
00:14:02,520 --> 00:14:04,193
What?

222
00:14:05,840 --> 00:14:09,037
I was... I was just thinking of
taking a spoonful of Cornflakes

223
00:14:09,080 --> 00:14:11,913
and finding a
hippopotamus in your mouth.

224
00:14:11,960 --> 00:14:13,951
(Giggles)

225
00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:16,071
It's Choke A Child Week, folks.

226
00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:20,753
Wait till they
get to the giraffe!

227
00:14:20,800 --> 00:14:22,791
(Giggles)

228
00:14:22,840 --> 00:14:27,630
You've should have heard sir. You'd think he'd
invented penicillin. I couldn't help laughing.

229
00:14:27,680 --> 00:14:30,593
Did he call you to his study
and give you six of the best?

230
00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:32,836
No, and Jerry told him
I had recurrent malaria.

231
00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:36,236
- Did he believe him?
- I don't think so.

232
00:14:36,280 --> 00:14:38,874
I saw him in the afternoon.
He called me Mr Erm... again.

233
00:14:40,600 --> 00:14:43,069
- Oh, I know I blew it.
- Well, I should think so.

234
00:14:43,120 --> 00:14:46,033
I mean, we do have
certain standards to keep up.

235
00:14:46,080 --> 00:14:48,310
Sanity, little things like that.

236
00:14:49,280 --> 00:14:51,794
I'd run off with you,
if you weren't married.

237
00:14:51,840 --> 00:14:53,797
I even love your varicose veins.

238
00:14:55,120 --> 00:14:57,475
I'll grow it in the
shape of your initial.

239
00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:00,756
Mind you, it's our future
I'm blowing, you know.

240
00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:05,033
In four years' time, Brian and all the Whiz kids
will be up on the fifth floor. Where Will I be?

241
00:15:05,080 --> 00:15:07,310
Doing a Mr Chips
with a lot of infants.

242
00:15:07,360 --> 00:15:10,432
Oh, I mean, the house
is paid for, fine, but, well...

243
00:15:10,480 --> 00:15:12,915
when was the last time
you had a new coat?

244
00:15:12,960 --> 00:15:14,792
Last week.

245
00:15:14,840 --> 00:15:17,195
Oh.

246
00:15:17,240 --> 00:15:20,278
Anyway,
that's... that's... things.

247
00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:22,789
I mean,
we've never just wanted things.

248
00:15:22,840 --> 00:15:24,751
We don't need things.

249
00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:27,314
No, we're a spiritually
advanced couple, aren't we?

250
00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:28,680
Yes.

251
00:15:28,720 --> 00:15:30,950
Anyway, you don't make
enough for a lot of things.

252
00:15:31,960 --> 00:15:33,598
No.

253
00:15:33,640 --> 00:15:37,713
I'll tell you What's at the bottom of this. This
“it" business you were on about this morning.

254
00:15:37,760 --> 00:15:39,717
I had a think in the
garden after you left.

255
00:15:39,760 --> 00:15:42,320
You know, Why do you always
go into the garden to think?

256
00:15:42,360 --> 00:15:45,352
You're not having an affair with
that gnome we haven't got, are you?

257
00:15:45,400 --> 00:15:48,711
I don't know. I just think
best in the garden, I suppose.

258
00:15:48,760 --> 00:15:50,637
Well,
did you come up with something?

259
00:15:50,680 --> 00:15:52,671
- No.
- Ta.

260
00:15:52,720 --> 00:15:54,597
That's all right.

261
00:15:56,520 --> 00:15:59,797
Hey! I was brilliant at
algebra at school, wasn't I?

262
00:15:59,840 --> 00:16:01,672
- I don't know.
- I was!

263
00:16:01,720 --> 00:16:03,996
- Bighead!
- X, the unknown.

264
00:16:04,040 --> 00:16:08,591
"It". In order to track “it" down, all you
have to do is those things you do in algebra.

265
00:16:08,640 --> 00:16:11,109
- What are they?
- I can't remember.

266
00:16:11,160 --> 00:16:14,949
We're both really firing on
all cylinders today, aren't we?

267
00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:16,832
No, wait a minute,
wait a minute.

268
00:16:16,880 --> 00:16:19,110
You erm... Oh,
What's it called, now?

269
00:16:19,160 --> 00:16:22,198
You put all your
known factors down first.

270
00:16:22,240 --> 00:16:25,232
Yes, that's it! That's it! Paper.
Paper! Quickly, woman, paper.

271
00:16:25,280 --> 00:16:26,953
Paper, paper, paper.

272
00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:32,676
Ah, right. Ta, ta, ta. Now...

273
00:16:33,800 --> 00:16:36,599
Known... factors.

274
00:16:36,640 --> 00:16:38,631
- One: - I've put One:

275
00:16:38,680 --> 00:16:42,310
- JJM Limited... stinks.
- Right, get another job.

276
00:16:42,360 --> 00:16:48,436
Two: Do not really want a job at
all. That's a lot of good, isn't it?

277
00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:51,154
- No, no, come on.
- All right. Three:

278
00:16:51,200 --> 00:16:53,794
Do not want to...

279
00:16:54,600 --> 00:16:57,672
shuffle off mortal coil

280
00:16:57,720 --> 00:17:02,078
Without... accomplishing
something.

281
00:17:03,120 --> 00:17:06,317
Four: Do not want to feel...

282
00:17:06,360 --> 00:17:08,795
the same way at 41.

283
00:17:08,840 --> 00:17:11,878
- Ah, now you're getting somewhere.
- Right, now. JJM stinks.

284
00:17:11,920 --> 00:17:14,639
We don't want... (Mutters)

285
00:17:14,680 --> 00:17:18,639
You've heard of the "don't knows". I come
across as one of the "don't want to's".

286
00:17:18,680 --> 00:17:20,830
- Let's get positive.
- All right, new page.

287
00:17:20,880 --> 00:17:22,871
- File that.
- Right.

288
00:17:22,920 --> 00:17:24,672
Right. One:

289
00:17:24,720 --> 00:17:26,711
I want...

290
00:17:29,360 --> 00:17:32,034
I want..."it“.

291
00:17:33,760 --> 00:17:36,070
- Shall we go to bed?
- Yes.

292
00:17:36,120 --> 00:17:37,679
Oh, no.

293
00:17:37,720 --> 00:17:39,279
I'll be up in a minute.

294
00:17:39,320 --> 00:17:41,596
All right. Happy birthday.

295
00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:43,392
Big deal.

296
00:17:59,120 --> 00:18:00,519
Oh!

297
00:18:02,600 --> 00:18:05,433
(Clock chimes three times)

298
00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:15,117
- Tom?
- Mm?

299
00:18:16,360 --> 00:18:18,795
I thought you were coming
to bed. It's three o'clock.

300
00:18:18,840 --> 00:18:20,638
Just a minute. Just a minute.

301
00:18:30,840 --> 00:18:32,513
(Reads) Gobar gas.

302
00:18:32,560 --> 00:18:35,154
Gobar is the Hindi for cow dung.

303
00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:39,797
One cubic foot of gas may be
generated from one pound of cow dung.

304
00:18:39,840 --> 00:18:44,198
NB. Check this figure for
animal droppings generally.

305
00:18:46,720 --> 00:18:49,678
I haven't caught you in indulging
in some private fetish, have I?

306
00:18:50,680 --> 00:18:53,320
And I know Where I can lay
my hands on a rotary cultivator.

307
00:18:53,360 --> 00:18:55,078
I didn't get up at
all. It's a dream.

308
00:18:55,120 --> 00:18:57,031
Here. Here. Come here.

309
00:18:57,080 --> 00:18:58,639
Sit down.

310
00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:00,353
Have some flat champagne.

311
00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:01,879
Why not?

312
00:19:01,920 --> 00:19:04,560
Listen,
you know that “it" business?

313
00:19:04,600 --> 00:19:06,352
No more. I'm not strong enough.

314
00:19:06,400 --> 00:19:09,074
No, no,
no. I've defined What it is.

315
00:19:09,120 --> 00:19:11,999
- It's breaking the circle.
- What circle?

316
00:19:12,040 --> 00:19:14,350
Going to work, to get money...

317
00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:17,550
...to translate into things,
which you use up,

318
00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:20,035
which makes you go to
work again etc, etc - the norm.

319
00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:23,516
What we should be doing is
working at the job of life itself.

320
00:19:23,560 --> 00:19:25,915
This isn't some son of
religious conversion, is it?

321
00:19:25,960 --> 00:19:29,510
Yes. Now, you're going to ask me how
to put this into practical terms.

322
00:19:29,560 --> 00:19:32,200
How to put this
into practical terms?

323
00:19:32,240 --> 00:19:34,277
Right, here goes.

324
00:19:34,320 --> 00:19:38,473
I quit work and we become as damned
near self-sufficient as possible.

325
00:19:38,520 --> 00:19:41,512
We've got bags of garden.
We grow our own food.

326
00:19:41,560 --> 00:19:43,756
We keep some animals,
chickens, a pig.

327
00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:46,189
We produce our own energy,
recycle rubbish.

328
00:19:46,240 --> 00:19:50,757
We design the things we need. I'll show you
What being a draughtsman is all about. Now...

329
00:19:50,800 --> 00:19:53,030
some things we can't make,
right.

330
00:19:53,080 --> 00:19:54,878
Some things we can't grow,
right.

331
00:19:54,920 --> 00:19:59,278
So we flog our surplus and buy stuff, and
that's without good old Medieval barter.

332
00:19:59,320 --> 00:20:01,152
It'll be damned hard work.

333
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:03,032
We won't have much
in the way of mod cons,

334
00:20:03,080 --> 00:20:05,594
but we might enjoy discovering
What we can do Without.

335
00:20:05,640 --> 00:20:08,029
We won't need the world
to give us the yea or nay.

336
00:20:09,080 --> 00:20:10,639
It'll be just us...

337
00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:12,591
doing it for us.

338
00:20:12,640 --> 00:20:15,598
What do you think? Eh?

339
00:20:16,640 --> 00:20:18,438
What do you think?

340
00:20:19,720 --> 00:20:21,393
- I need to think.
- Garden?

341
00:20:21,440 --> 00:20:22,999
- Yes.
- Right.

342
00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:29,238
Here you are. Left.

343
00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:32,598
Right.

344
00:20:32,640 --> 00:20:34,517
- Wait a minute. Coat.
- Coat.

345
00:20:38,560 --> 00:20:40,073
Right.

346
00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:52,358
- A bit of cake?
- No, thank you.

347
00:21:00,720 --> 00:21:04,429
You want to sell up and buy a
smallholding in the country to do this?

348
00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:08,553
No, this isn't the full going back to nature bit.
We love this house too much to get rid of it.

349
00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:10,830
- Self-sufficiency in Surbiton?
- Yes!

350
00:21:10,880 --> 00:21:14,191
- I know it'll make the road look a bit unusual.
- No, no. No, no.

351
00:21:21,440 --> 00:21:23,431
I couldn't kill chickens.

352
00:21:23,480 --> 00:21:26,916
Right. I'll chop their heads off with my
Black <3 Decker when you're not looking.

353
00:21:26,960 --> 00:21:29,759
- As far as the pigs are concerned...
- No, no. No, no.

354
00:21:43,160 --> 00:21:45,231
What happens When
we need new clothes?

355
00:21:45,280 --> 00:21:46,918
I'll have made the loom by then.

356
00:21:46,960 --> 00:21:49,031
- What, with the wool off the goat...
- No, no.

357
00:22:07,400 --> 00:22:09,038
Well?

358
00:22:11,280 --> 00:22:12,953
Well?

359
00:22:15,320 --> 00:22:17,311
Well?!

360
00:22:17,360 --> 00:22:19,351
- You're on.
- What?

361
00:22:19,400 --> 00:22:21,073
We'll do it.

362
00:22:21,120 --> 00:22:22,918
Now, look,
have you thought about this?

363
00:22:22,960 --> 00:22:25,634
What do you think I was doing?
Taking my wellies for a walk?

364
00:22:25,680 --> 00:22:28,957
No, but it'll have to be total
commitment. All of our savings will go.

365
00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:32,356
We've got to set ourselves up and hold
out until our first harvest comes in,

366
00:22:32,400 --> 00:22:34,198
providing it comes in at all.

367
00:22:34,240 --> 00:22:37,710
You've got Colorado beetle, Wireworms,
slugs, foul pest, that kind of thing.

368
00:22:37,760 --> 00:22:39,717
There'll be a thousand problems.

369
00:22:39,760 --> 00:22:42,434
How do you pasteurise milk?
Well, how did you do that?

370
00:22:42,480 --> 00:22:44,869
How do you help a pig in labour?

371
00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:48,356
What if you ladder your last pair of
tights? Say the goat runs under a bus!

372
00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:51,791
Tom! There aren't a thousand
problems! There are millions!

373
00:22:51,840 --> 00:22:56,232
If we think about them all, we'll
be 163 by the time we do anything.

374
00:22:58,080 --> 00:22:59,832
Say it worked.

375
00:23:01,120 --> 00:23:03,111
- Just say it worked.
- Well?

376
00:23:03,160 --> 00:23:05,595
We'll try and make it work!

377
00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:10,711
(Giggling)

378
00:23:10,760 --> 00:23:13,274
JERRY: How the hell
do I know what it is?

379
00:23:14,280 --> 00:23:16,191
WOMAN: Well,
get out of bed and have a look!

380
00:23:16,240 --> 00:23:18,834
JERRY: Probably
just some drunks.

381
00:23:18,880 --> 00:23:21,599
Jerry, would you please get
out of bed and have a look?

382
00:23:21,640 --> 00:23:23,916
JERRY: For God's sake.
- Thank you.

383
00:23:26,400 --> 00:23:28,960
TOM: I A ring-a-ring-a-roses,
a pocketful of poses...

384
00:23:33,720 --> 00:23:35,711
(Whooping and giggling)

385
00:23:38,520 --> 00:23:40,830
What the devil do
you think you're doing?

386
00:23:41,880 --> 00:23:43,678
Oh, look, it's good old Jerry!

387
00:23:43,720 --> 00:23:45,472
Hello, good old Jerry!

388
00:23:45,520 --> 00:23:47,955
I said, What the devil
do you think you're doing?

389
00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:50,753
We are dancing in
our goldfish pond!

390
00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:52,438
Oh, don't be so damned silly.

391
00:23:52,480 --> 00:23:54,835
- What is it? What's going on?
- It's the Goods.

392
00:23:54,880 --> 00:23:59,351
- They're dancing in their goldfish pond.
- Ask them Why.

393
00:24:00,360 --> 00:24:02,431
I hadn't thought of that.

394
00:24:02,480 --> 00:24:03,390
Why?

395
00:24:03,440 --> 00:24:05,431
(Both laughing)

396
00:24:05,480 --> 00:24:07,278
Celebrating!

397
00:24:07,320 --> 00:24:08,799
Your birthday was yesterday.

398
00:24:08,840 --> 00:24:12,310
No! We're celebrating that we've
found out how to beat "it“.

399
00:24:13,320 --> 00:24:14,958
WOMAN: What's he saying?

400
00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:19,278
If you're so damned interested, Margo, Why
don't you get out of bed and have a look?

401
00:24:19,320 --> 00:24:22,790
If you must behave like
lunatics, kindly do so quietly.

402
00:24:22,840 --> 00:24:24,433
Have a little consideration.

403
00:24:24,480 --> 00:24:26,471
- Sorry, Jerry.
- Sorry, Jerry.

404
00:24:28,680 --> 00:24:31,513
(They sing softly)

405
00:24:33,400 --> 00:24:37,314
Don't you ever say "damned“ to me in
the future, Jerry, thank you very much.

406
00:24:37,360 --> 00:24:42,196
JERRY: Oh, look at the state of this bed.
- That's it, flop down.

407
00:24:42,240 --> 00:24:45,676
- Margo, I did not flop.
- I know a flop when I see one, Jerry.

408
00:24:45,720 --> 00:24:50,032
Oh, look, if I can't sit on my own
bed without starting an argument.

409
00:24:50,080 --> 00:24:53,914
Well, I'd like to ask you one question.
Who made this bed in the first place?

410
00:24:53,960 --> 00:24:55,030
I did!

411
00:25:01,040 --> 00:25:02,917
(Toots horn)

412
00:25:30,680 --> 00:25:32,591
Morning,
Jerry. What a lovely day!

413
00:25:32,640 --> 00:25:34,119
It wasn't a very lovely night.

414
00:25:34,160 --> 00:25:36,310
Oh, sorry about that.

415
00:25:36,360 --> 00:25:39,318
I'm still big enough to offer you
a lift. Unless your car's going.

416
00:25:39,360 --> 00:25:41,271
Haven't got a car to get going.

417
00:25:41,320 --> 00:25:43,709
Swapped it for that
first thing this morning.

418
00:25:43,760 --> 00:25:46,115
It's twenty to nine. It is
first thing this morning.

419
00:25:46,160 --> 00:25:48,800
Not for us sons of the soil.
Market gardener, he was.

420
00:25:48,840 --> 00:25:50,911
Phoned him up at 7:30.
Swap was done by 8:00.

421
00:25:51,960 --> 00:25:54,952
Well, you're going to look very
silly, driving up Kingsway on that.

422
00:25:55,000 --> 00:25:57,674
Driving up Kingsway, mate,
is no longer a pan of my life.

423
00:25:57,720 --> 00:26:00,360
Oh, my God. Sir
sacked you for laughing.

424
00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:02,277
Other way round. I sacked sir.

425
00:26:02,320 --> 00:26:05,472
- Oh, God. What are you going to do?
- Have you got five minutes?

426
00:26:05,520 --> 00:26:07,477
- Yes?
- I'll tell you.

427
00:26:16,400 --> 00:26:18,073
In Surbiton?

428
00:26:18,120 --> 00:26:20,999
- Sure you won't have that brandy?
- You're mad, you know that.

429
00:26:21,040 --> 00:26:22,792
You're... You're...

430
00:26:23,800 --> 00:26:26,872
- I'm looking for a superlative.
- Totally insane.

431
00:26:26,920 --> 00:26:28,911
- Yes.
- Rubbish.

432
00:26:28,960 --> 00:26:32,635
Tom, the man said the
goat Will be here by noon!

433
00:26:32,680 --> 00:26:33,875
Lovely!

434
00:26:33,920 --> 00:26:35,718
A goat?

435
00:26:35,760 --> 00:26:40,436
This is sheer folly. It just won't
work. You're... totally insane.

436
00:26:40,480 --> 00:26:43,438
Jerry, we've never been
saner in all our lives.

437
00:26:43,480 --> 00:26:46,871
Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got
three hundredweight of spuds to put in.

438
00:26:50,440 --> 00:26:52,397
(Engine starts)